It's not her, it's me.

So things are happening really fast. The feeding tube it's not only a fact but it's going to be placed in Sophia's belly this coming Tuesday! I only had one week to be as prepared as I can possibly be, I read the brochures they gave me, I joined a Facebook group and asked questions. I even ordered some very cute pads to put in between her belly and the g button. I also got these nice containers to store all the medical supplies they are going to give me to take care of her belly while it heals. I am also trying to prepare mentally for the few days following the surgery. They said she will be in the hospital for three days and if Sophia follows the pattern from past interventions, it could be one to two days more. I want to think that she is older so she might tolerate the surgery better and might not need oxygen when she is recovering. I am anxious about seeing her in pain, uncomfortable or frustrated and me trying to guess exactly what's wrong and not being able to calm her down.
The truth is Sophia has shown me that she is strong and resilient, and she's capable of adapting to any situation and making the best of it. I need to remember that my fears are not the same as hers. About two years ago she had her third hip surgery and she was in a full body cast for a month. I was expecting the worse four weeks, she had been moving so much lately and I thought she was going to be miserable and frustrated as she couldn't do the things she loves the most. But I was wrong! Sophia was as happy as always, she would laugh for hours just sitting there with a balloon or watching her favorites shows. Same thing happened with a test we had to do this week before the surgery, it was a swallow test where she had to drink a solution with barium and then be in different positions. I was dreading doing this test because I thought Sophia was going to be cranky for not having breakfast that morning, I also thought she was going to give us a really hard time opening her mouth for the drink and she usually doesn't like being held in a certain position for a long period of time. So there we went and I was so so wrong! Sophia had a blast! She was laughing the whole time and drank the barium when she needed to and changed positions with no problem at all. Everybody in the radiology department was in love with her and her smile.
One more example of how Sophia makes the best of everything is our trip to Pennsylvania this past weekend. It was seven hours driving each way! We thought she was going to be mad and grumpy sitting in her car seat for so long but she was, once again, as happy as she could be. Even on our way home which took longer and kept her up two hours past her bed time. She had an awesome time!

So it's not her, it's me who has all these fears and I know that it's normal for a mother to feel that way before her kid is going to have surgery but I have to recognize that Sophia being the way she is makes things so much easier. She'll probably be laughing and having fun while she is in the hospital and she'll be back to her normal routine of being the happiest person I ever know in no time.