It doesn't get any easier.

I should be used to it by now but the truth is I am not, in fact, it gets harder every time. Sophia's surgery is Monday and I am getting very anxious. I know my daughter needs it and she will benefit from it, I know it's what needs to be done so Sophia can walk the best she can. But I hate what usually happens the first few days after the procedure, I would love to be able to fast forward the first week... heck! the whole four weeks!

I know the whole process: I can see it now, she is very swollen all over: her feet and hands. She is asleep because of the pain medication. I can see her incisions and they hurt me. Eventually she wakes up and starts to cry, she is very week and can't take a big breath between cries and so she turns purple and sometimes her eyes try to go backwards and we have to give her oxygen. Then we try to give her some food so we can start winning her off the IV fluids. But she can't keep anything down because she still nauseous. I can see it, I have seen it in the past, and I don't want to see it again.

Eric thinks that she is going to do better this time around and that she is not going to spend too many days in the hospital and I really really hope he is right.

I have said before that I am also worried that Sophia is going to be bored and frustrated because she is not going to be able to move and play the way she is used to. But I am more worried about how she is going to express that frustration. We still don't have the iPad with the communication app and I don't know how I am going to understand what it's bothering her, or why is crying, whether something hurts or not. How  I am going to make her understand that I get it, that I know that she is frustrated and that she is going to be ok. I will do my best off course, to keep her happy and distracted but it does scares me.

I will trade with Sophia and I will have the surgery instead of her if I could, but I can't, so my only option is to be the mom Sophia needs during the next 4 weeks, a strong, creative, understanding and mostly patient  mom. Sophia needs this surgery and the benefit she is going to get from it is my motivation to be that mom.

This girl deserves everything!