If I was 20 years old again

The other day I found some old cds in a box I had forgotten about on top on my dresser. They certainly brought lots of memories from my life as a young adult a long time ago. As I was singing out loud in my car, I was transported to those times and I swear I could smell the apartment I used to live in with my father. I could almost feel the breeze of cold Bogota mornings when I walked to school everyday, I could see myself in my 2005 fashion outfit and thought: I truly had my whole life ahead of me and I didn't even know it! I didn't know I was going to blink and I was going to be almost 43! Where did those years go? What have I really done with my life? All of a sudden I realized the absurd number of things I could've done or the places I could've visited, the things I could've learned or the people I could've met... I guess that's what a mid-life crisis feels like. *sigh*
I started feeling trapped in the old body of a mother of a kid with special needs whose condition limits the number of things I can do now. I started wishing I could go back in time and be 20 years old again, be "free", be presented with all kinds of different paths to choose from. I wish someone had read to me "oh the places you'll go" and I actually followed through. I felt as if I had done nothing significant or important or valuable, and for a second there I thought I had wasted 20 years that I cannot get back.
But then I looked at Sophia's smile and suddenly it all made sense. If I had done anything different when I was 20 years old she would probably not be here. I would have probably stayed in Colombia and earned a master's degree in education and became an English professor. Or maybe I would have gone to Europe instead of coming to the United States, but then I would have never met Eric and our beautiful family would have never been built. I would probably never have been a Spanish interpreter and never would have felt the satisfaction of helping people who don't speak English. I realized that if I hadn't had this life the way it is, I would have never met some of the most amazing teachers, nurses and aides that have been in Sophia's life. If I had taken a different path 20 years ago, I would probably have never known the amount of love I was capable of giving, or how strong I could be or even how much pain and frustration I could bare.
So this is it, I am a 42 year old mom who is doing her best to help her daughter reach her potential and who doesn't give up on finding ways to make that girl's life as great as it can be. Maybe I can't recover the lost time, but I can make the best of what I have left. The path that brought me to where I am now is as great as any other, and I have Sophia's beautiful smile to remind me of that.