During Sophia's 5 years I have had to endure very few rude stares (fortunately). Don't get me wrong, there's been hundreds of stares but most of them are stares of compassion and admiration, and most of the people who stare express how cute Sophia is. These stares I'm used to and I still very much enjoy them.
But the ones I'm not used to are kids' stares.
Sometimes when we go to the mall and hang out at the playground, I get the usual questions from other moms:
How old she? 5 really? She is a peanut, she is so cute! Again, I'm used to this, but when the other kids stop and stare at my daughter it hurts. Sophia is very loud when she is having fun, she makes happy noises and of course that draws attention to her. These kids notice that Sophia is not like them, or maybe they wonder why she is making those noises, or why she laughs at nothing, I'm not sure. And so they stare... and it hurts.
I know that right now kids don't have bad intentions when they stare at Sophia, they are more curious than anything, but it makes me think about the future. As Sophia gets older, it's going to be more obvious that she is different from her peers and I am afraid that they are going to make fun of her or pick on her. Kids can be cruel sometimes and I don't know how to protect Sophia or myself for that matter, from rude comments and rude stares. This topic has been in the back of my mind since she was born, but because we have been so lucky with Sophia's classmates who genuinely love her just the way she is, we haven't had to deal with that. That's why I'm not used to it.
I don't think Sophia realizes this, fortunately, but I'm not sure it's going to be like this forever and I'm definitely not sure how I'm going to deal with that, I guess I'll find out when the times comes. Right now, I'm going to do what my husband said to me today: I'm going to choose to believe that people, kids and adults, stare at Sophia because she is so cute!
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I hate it when kids stare, too! Sorry, I do not have any advice on this one because I never know how to react either. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I nominated you for an award! http://icansaymama.blogspot.de/2013/07/the-versatile-blogger-meets-semper.html
Thank you so much Joy!! it means a lot, A LOT to me :)
ReplyDeleteShe IS adorable Natalia! I think as a mom of a special needs child, I am much more aware of other special needs families and am able to empathize with them. Sarah does some quirky things too and kids will stop and stare while there's really nothing I can do. Our daughters are beautiful and perfect just the way they are!
ReplyDeleteThank you Stephanie. You are right! they are perfect the way they are. I think for me Sophia's sounds and noises are her normal way of communicating, they are familiar to me but to others they are strange and hence they are curious about them.
DeleteNata:
ReplyDeleteTen presente que todos somos diferentes y tenemos algunas diferencias notables a simple vista como otras que no, desafortunadamente vivimos en una sociedad que esta basada en un prototipo de cada cosa y cuando no estamos dentro de este prototipo somos diferentes para estos, sin embargo las miradas de los niños siempre son así, tu misma lo dices es curiosidad no solo miran a Sofía miran al niño que tiene el pelo largo, al niño que es de color, al niño que es pelirrojo, al que tiene un carro diferente al de ellos y por consiguiente miran a sus padres.
Una gran ventaja de los niños es que ellos aun no juzgan y simplemente miran con curiosidad , esta en los adultos el saber enseñarles que a pesar de que hayan personas totalmente diferentes a ellos son igual o mas hermosas que ellos mismos.
No te afanes por eso amiga, entiendo cuando dices que te duele, pero trata que cada vez que pienses que están mirando a Sofía por ser ¨diferente¨ , pienses que la miran así por que causa en ellos una gran admiración y por lo hermosa que es, no por lo contario, en tu corazón estará saber cuando debes intervenir y cuando sencillamente dejarlo ir.
Un besito
Ay amiga, no lo pudiste haber dicho mejor! Gracias por tus palanbras tan sabias, tienes mucha razon, esta en nosotros los adultos en ensen/arle a los nin/os que es totalmente aceptable serdiferente, pensar diferente, hablar diferente. Te quiero mucho.
DeleteAy mi niña linda, como dice Alejandra Guzmán "El mundo es como es y no puedo cambiártelo, pero siempre te seguiré para darte una mano". Así es, siempre habrá miradas, comentarios y demás, pero Sofía siempre tendrá a su alrededor muchas mas miradas de amor, muchas más sonrisas y mucha más comprensión. Y eso es suficiente. I love you
ReplyDeleteSi mamita, es cierto, son muchas mas las miradas de amor hacia ella que las que la juzgan. I love you too.
DeleteI am not used to the stares I get when I'm out with Abby. I think its because she drools and her head tends to flop. Or it could be because she makes noises.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's just anything that's different from the typical behavior. Thank you for stopping by, the're are some comments here that are very useful if you want to check them out :)
DeleteAnd she is so cute! Your husband is right! Kyle is 7 and cognitively, I know he is not aware when people (adults and kids) stare or look at him curiously when he makes his nonverbal noises, chews on the "chewy tube" attached to his shirt, rides along in his large, adaptive stroller, etc. You are right...kids are curious and I have just had to tell myself this and expect it. What has helped me is my response to these kids that are obviously staring. What I do when another child stares at Kyle is say "Hi" and give that child a great big smile. It kind of snaps the child out of the "staring". They usually smile back and sometimes we start a conversation and I get the opportunity to teach another child about being different and that it's okay! One time at the park, the kids were so curious and I ended up teaching them some sign language that Kyle knows. The kids thought it was so great that months and months later, they saw me and Kyle at the park again, remembered us, and approached us right away. This time it was with no stares but genuine happiness to see us again!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing that story. That's seems like a good way to turn around an awkward situation. I am definitely going to try that next time because the last thing I want to do is to isolate Sophia from others in my attempt to protect her. Thank you again Kelli.
DeleteYour daughter is beautiful, period. Just make sure she always knows how perfect she is and how much she is loved and she will already be protected.
ReplyDeleteAbout people being judgmental, it is sad but is true. Your little girl might come across some of these people, but she will definitely find great people who will love her no matter what. And I think it is very important to make people more aware that it is okay to be different, so if you feel someone is staring a little bit to much, kindly inform them of how awesome she is. I know this video is not about her condition, but I think it could be applied to any special needs and if you haven't watched it already I thought you might like it.
Besos (:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5M--xOyGUX4
ReplyDeleteforgot to attach it, sorry!
I hate stares too!!!! My daughter was born with Amniotic Band Syndrome which caused a lot of facial abnormalities so we get lots of stares!
ReplyDeleteI know it is painful, but if kids want to find anything to pick on others, they will find something. It may be a disability, it may be a weakness, it may be looks. I have been bullied for years to develop serious depressions. I wish for Sophia to be accepted by her peers for who she is, but if she's being picked on, be assured that it's not because Sophia is "different" but because the bullies are deeply disturbed characters.
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