My mom has been coming to visit for the last few years and she usually stays for about 5 months, the help and the company she provides is invaluable! She takes over a lot of the chores and routines, she learns how to hook Sophia up with the feeding tube to give her medicine and even tries to read her books in English. She spoils her granddaughter with cuddles, hugs and kisses and she gives me and Eric the possibility to go on dates just like husband and wife. I can't even begin to explain how grateful and fortunate I feel to have her here with us.
But the day of her return home is rapidly approaching and I am dreading the goodbye. It is always really hard for me to see the empty space where she sits on the couch, or her empty bed and the mug she has coffee every single morning, It's going to be hard to see Sophia looking for her abuelita around and I know it is going to take a while to get used to be just the three of us again. I have been there before and I know I'm going to feel sad and lonely, in fact I already am... That's the reason why I decided I needed to come up with a plan, I need to find something to keep my mind occupied, I need to find a way to take care of myself so I don't fall into a hole where I can't get out and care of my daughter the way she needs me to.
I came up with two goals that I think are going to help me both emotionally and physically: A while back my wonderful husband got me a nice digital camera which I have played with a bit and now I want to dedicate time to learn and practice nature and street photography. There is so much to learn and it is not easy but I am determined to have patience and enjoy the process because this is the one thing I feel really passionate about.
The other goal is to focus on getting stronger and more fit at the gym, I lost 74 lbs and feel great about it but now I want to push myself and get healthier so I can really be there for Sophia and make sure I can do so for a long time. I had a seven day pass for this gym and realized I want to work on my strength and tone, they had boot camp like workouts and spinning classes which made want to push myself a little harder. I am going to sign up and commit to go at least 5 days a week.
For the last 10 years I have been focusing only on what Sophia wants and needs and that's has been my decision and choice, I do it with all the love any mother have for her child but I recognize I have left myself behind along the way, that it's not healthy or helpful so I realized if I want to keep pouring from my cup I need to fill it. I realized it's my time, it's time for so much needed self care.
