This girl!

This girl!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

5 years ago...

5 years ago I learned the baby I was expecting to be born soon, was going to be a special one. I had only 27 days to go through all the stages (denial, anger, sadness, fear, acceptance) because once she was born, I needed to put that aside to take care of her. Some bloggers and special needs moms have written about what it is like to know that you are having a special needs baby     ( Welcome to Holland - Our Kids, or my favorite one: Amsterdam International -Dana Nieder). It is very difficult to explain and these two descriptions are right on and I don't really have anything to add. If you read them, you may feel compassion and try to understand (and I appreciate that) but you need to be a special needs parent to fully get it.

 Every case is different: some parents (like me) learn about their child before he/she is born; others have a "typical" baby and then something happens along the way; some have a child with a common diagnosis and know more or less what to expect, others have a baby with a brand new diagnosis and everything is new not only for the family but for doctors, too. Others will never know what exactly is making their baby "special". Either way, every parent goes through the stages, some take longer than others but we all face them sooner or later.

Me? (chuckle) Like I said before, when Sophia was born I was too busy trying to take care of her and  kind of ignored my feeling. She was my priority. She still is but, I learned I had to face the stages and take care of me to really take care of her. I went from the "why me? why my baby?" and the "I don't want to go to my friend's typical child's birthday party" and the "Is she ever going to be able to walk/talk?" and also the " why is she sick again?" to the "She is progressing every day" and "She is doing amazingly well" and everything in between. And in days like today, when I am getting ready for Sophia's 5th birthday, I think about what it would have been like to prepare a party for a typical 5 year old. I wonder if life would have been easier or better if Sophia was a typical kid and you know what? I think it would be different, but not better or worse, easier or harder, just its own different set of challenges. Being a parent is always a challenge.

 I can safely say that I am in the acceptance stage now and I am able to enjoy Sophia just the way she is. I go back to all the stages every now and then and I think I will always will but, I can now move on faster than in the beginning and go back to the present. Because it does get easier as time goes by, and by "easier" I mean that you learn how to deal with your situation in a better way. You learn to see things with different eyes and see past the "differences" and really see your special baby for what she really is: the most precious thing in the whole wide world.


  1. Como evitar no derramar algunas lagrimas, no de pesar si no de admiración, que bebe más afortunada al tenerte como madre.

    Natica, Sofía es el más hermoso regalo de Dios, como tu dices es diferente en algunos aspectos, pero acaso no todos somos diferentes?, todos lidiamos con eso no? nos vamos moviendo como bailarinas por lo que cada uno hizo de su vida y en ella con momentos fáciles así como momentos difíciles crecemos y aprendemos, igual pasa con Sofía y seguirá pasando.

    Ella es un ser excepcional , un mundo nuevo por descubrir lleno de magia, su cara angelical esta tan llena de amor, sus gestos y guiños muestran la pureza de su alma.

    Sencillamente Sofía es una hermosa princesa del más hermoso cuento que hoy ya lleva cinco años escribiéndose de la mejor manera.

    Un beso para esa princesita que tiene cautivados nuestros corazones.

  2. I wrote on my blog not long ago about the first two stages...denial and anger. My son is 7 years old and I have been through all the stages, too. And I completely agree with you, that it gets easier with time. I only just started my blog last month and will be writing about the depression I went through, and also about the acceptance. That's the best, isn't it? Accepting our children just the way they are and being okay with it. Thank you so much for your post; I can relate!

  3. Thank you so much for stopping by. I also started my blog last month and I can't believe i was not doing this all along. It's so great to find people who can REALLY relate to what we have been through. Thank you again.

  4. Beautifully said! I went through those same stages of special needs parenthood which are, I think, similar to the stages of grief. I also occasionally wonder how life might be different, but that's it, it's just wonder—not sadness. Happy almost-birthday to the adorable Sophia!

  5. You are right Ellen, the grief of loosing the baby we were expecting for nine months. Thank you so much for stopping by, it means the world to me!

  6. We just had Dexter's second birthday. It was hard to think of planning his birthday - compared to comparing the birthday of a two year old who understands, sees his presents and is excited. But, we'd decided on buying a trampoline for Dexter and his love of it was so easy to see. Happy Birthday, Sophia!

    1. A trampoline sounds like a lot of fun! It gets easier with time, happy belate burthday Dexter!